


Pilot

by Quillsandcoffee



Category: McDonalds Incorporated
Genre: Original Character(s), Original Fiction, Original Universe, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-12 11:41:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29134983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quillsandcoffee/pseuds/Quillsandcoffee
Summary: This is the first chapter of The Adventures of McDonalds Incorporated, a series my sister and I created about four nerds who work at McDonalds and never do anything involving the fast food restaurant. I have a separate blog devoted to just this series, and you can click over to it if you’d like to check out more. This is a work of fiction, and I do not own McDonalds nor claim to know any true facts about any Incorporations they might have; some facts may run counter to reality. That being said, I hope you enjoy!
Relationships: Bill/Janet





	Pilot

“Do you ever think about the fact that we never do anything involving McDonalds?”

Bill glanced up at the comment. It was a stereotypical day for the two friends, the bustling hum of people painting a picture of the busy life of the employees at McDonalds Incorporated. 

“I mean, all we ever do is sit around in this office building writing up papers on business sales,” Fred continued, waving his hands around agitatedly. “Then we hand in those papers and head home. But we never actually sell anything at McDonalds. We don’t even know what’s on the menus. We never even see the people who sell the food.”

Bill blinked. “You sure do talk a lot.”

Fred sighed, leaning back in his chair. Bringing up topics with Bill was never very fruitful intelligence-wise. 

“I mean, why bother thinking about it?” Bill said, folding his arms under his chin on his cluttered desk. “So long as the work gets done…”

Bill’s words trailed off then and Fred looked over to see the source of the disturbance. A young woman with auburn hair curled up in a messy bun had just walked in, chatting with their boss, Steve. Bill’s face immediately transformed from the relaxed expression from earlier. His eyebrows contorted downward and he sat up, wiping the slight dribble from his chin. The woman caught him staring and beamed, waving at him. “Hiya Bill!” 

Bill flushed, crossing his arms tightly across his chest. Fred closed his eyes and waited for the outburst. 

“Look at her Fred!” Bill said as Janet continued to wave. “Smiling at me, as if we’re friends or something. Who does she think she’s kidding with that peppy schoolgirl act? It’s like, we get it, you’re happy to be here and actually enjoy your job, yippee! Oh, get over yourself already.” 

Janet had stared to come over, Steve trailing faithfully behind her. Bill quickly arranged his face into one of intense and critical judgement. “You know, maybe you should give Janet a break once in a while,” Fred suggested right as Janet reached them. 

“Give me a break about what? Oh hi Fred!” She plopped herself down on Bill’s desk without a thought for the papers scattered there, although Bill seemed more concerned about her proximity than he was about any smushed papers. 

“Nothing,” Bill quickly interjected, turning instead to Steve. “I have the profits for this week.” He shuffled a pile of papers together, clipping them with a paper clip and handing them over. 

“Excellent! I’ll review them over lunch.” Steve grabbed the papers, thanking him with his usual blindingly optimistic grin. “Janet here was just discussing a new idea she had for the firm.”

“Alright guys,” Janet said, brightening instantly. “So I was thinking, what if we put our new McDonalds building, get this, on top of Mt. Everest?”

There was a moment of silence as everyone realized she was serious. “Oh sure, and make everyone climb for their burgers?” Bill scoffed. “Please. As if anyone will go for that. We sell happy meals, Janet, and exercise is not happy.”

Fred choked a bit on his coffee that he had begun to take a sip of, but Steve just waved one hand. “Oh don’t be like that! I’m sure lots of people would love to climb a ginormous dangerous cliffside for some French Fries! I know I would!” 

The lack of sarcasm in this sentence disturbed his employees, all except Janet who seemed oblivious to the harm of her idea. “Think about it,” she said. “Young people these days are always doing risky, potentially self-harmful activities, so what better appeal than mountain climbing? Not just any mountain either–the tallest one in the world!”

“That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” Bill retorted, rising to his feet. “I’m going to go get more coffee. Fred, you want anything?”

“No, don’t go!” Janet pleaded, wrapping her arms around his waist. “You always leave whenever I show up!” 

Every muscle in Bill’s body simultaneously went stiff as Janet’s arms encircled him, his mouth agape. “Get off me you weirdo!” he spluttered, attempting to shove her back. His face had gone a great many shades of red and Steve smiled as he watched them. 

“Look at them” he said to Fred, nudging his shoulder. Or rather his upper arm as Fred stood half a foot taller than him. “Getting along. This is going in my scrapbook.” He clapped his hands in a business-like manner, squeezing the files to his chest. “Well, I’d better get going. Need to look over these and put in Janet’s request before the meeting’s over. See you later guys, and just remember, you are not encouraged to pet the koala bears at the zoo!” 

“What was that last part?” Fred asked in concern. 

“See ya!” Steve rounded a corner and then he was gone. 

Fred watched him go with a growing sense of unease. The other two were still tussling; Bill had gotten the upper hand and was pushing Janet’s head away with both hands, braced against the back of the desk. “Guys? Guys, we’re not actually putting a McDonalds building on Mt. Everest, are we? Guys?!”

**Author's Note:**

> This work is part of series of fiction created by me and my sister, and does not belong to any fandom. So... fair warning!  
> You can find me at my tumblr: https://crookswithbooks.tumblr.com/


End file.
